


Tadashi the Swag Meister

by WolfMeister



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Crack, Funny, I'm Sorry, Swag, WTF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 09:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6419239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfMeister/pseuds/WolfMeister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tadashi is a swag meister and Hiro is just so done.</p><p>This is pretty much crack fanfiction</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even know

One day Tadashi walks into his bedroom and realizes, "I'm a swag meister."

~

The next week when he walks into his bedroom, he has his hat on backwards, wearing red hater shades (like the blind ones except it spells HATERS GONNA HATE), money sign bling, and an inside-out shirt. Then he throws money everywhere. Hiro stares at him.

"What. The. Fuck?!" Hiro exclaims.

"I'm a swag meister, little bro," he responds. Tadashi flashes Hiro a gang sign and leaves.

~

The next day Hiro asks, "Where the hell did you get all that money?"

"I get it from all the ladies!" He moon walks out of the room while playing explosion sound effects on his phone.

~

The next day Tadashi wears extremely baggy pants. He jumps onto the swivel chair to go on the computer. It spins and Tadashi attempts to stop it infront of the computer, but the chair just keeps spinning. Hiro just stares at his older brother being stupid for once. "Unbelievable," Hiro mutters. "What is wrong with my brother?"

~

"We shall never speak of this week ever again," Tadashi tells Hiro, back to normal.

"Agreed."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little fourth wall breaking

It was Christmas Eve when Tadashi once again walked into his bedroom and realized, "I'm a Swag Meister."

This time though, Hiro was in the room and he facepalms. "This is not going to end well," Hiro mutters.

~

It is Christmas day and Tadashi is sitting in a sleigh shaped chair by the Christmas tree with a sequin covered Santa hat, carrying a bunch of candy canes and wearing them swag shades, this time saying HO HO HO. Hiro walks in and is blinded by the lights. Tadashi throws his candy canes everywhere.

"OH MY GOD!!!!" Hiro yells, jumping about a foot in the air. Then he calms down and asks, "How'd you put up all these lights this morning?"

"I'm a Christmas Swag Meister," Tadashi replies. He leaves the room while saying, "Ho ho ho mother truckers!" Hiro is left dumbfounded, then he picks up one of the candy canes.

"Ho ho ho and a bottle of...no," Hiro says, staring at the candy cane.

~

"Again, we are never speaking about this, okay?" Tadashi tells Hiro, again back to normal. "Why? Because no one can know you are a swag meister?"

"Capitalize Swag Meister bro."

"But you didn't capitalize it in the last story!"

"I told you never to speak of that incident!"


	3. Chapter 3

During the week of Valentine's Day, Tadashi once again came to the conclusion that he was a Swag Meister. Hiro walked in on him wearing heart shaped Swag Shades, a bright pink loose tank top covered in red hearts, white skin-tight pants, Valentine themed bling, candy necklaces and bracelets, and the largest, most ridiculous Cupid's bow and quiver of arrows.

"Tadashi no!" Hiro exclaims. "I'm done with this!!! No!!!"

"Aww, c'mon li'l bro! I'm spreading love!!!" Tadashi says, attempting to hug Hiro. Hiro repeatedly pushes him away. Tadashi backs away and nocks a heart-tipped arrow onto his bow.

"I swear if you even try to shoot me, I will attack you!" Hiro threatens his crazy older brother.

"But don't you love me?"

"If I already do, that means shooting me won't do anything. That outfit is terrible. Go back to normal." Tadashi shoots the arrow at the ceiling. The arrow explodes into candy hearts. "I'm done." Hiro leaves. 

"But I love you!!! Hiro come back!!! You can blame it all on me!!!"

~

"At least this one lasted for only a day," Tadashi murmurs.

"Was this the last time? Tell me its the last time," Hiro grumbles. Tadashi shrugs.


	4. Chapter 4

The day before St. Patrick's Day, Tadashi says to Hiro seriously, "Little brother, I. Am. A. Swag. Meister." Hiro sighs and leaves the room.

~

Of course, on St. Patrick's Day Tadashi is dressed in a bright green spandex bodysuit with green sequins covering every inch. He has a giant four-leaf clover necklace, four-leaf clover Swag Shades, four-leaf clover pins on his hat, and sparkling green dance shoes. Hiro walks in.

"NO!" Hiro yells at Tadashi as his older brother flings some four-leaf clovers at Hiro's face. "Stop it, Tadashi! You are not a Swag Meister!"

"Don't lie to me, li'l bro. Don't lie to yourself. I AM a Swag Meister!" He dances out of the room, somehow trailing four-leaf clovers and gold coins behind him.

"Is he a leprechaun now?" Hiro mutters to himself.

~

Later that day, Hiro asks Tadashi, "Where'd you get all those four-leaf clovers?"

"I spent all night yesterday searching for the best shamrocks ever. Only the best shamrocks for Swag Meisters!" Suddenly Tadashi pinches Hiro.

"Ow! What was that for?!" Hiro yells at him.

"You aren't wearing green. Kiss me, I'm Irish."

"...what? No! What the hell is wrong with you?!" Tadashi leans over and attempts to kiss Hiro. "Nope." Hiro leaves and Tadashi falls off his chair.

~

Next day...

"Damn. I did it again," Tadashi says to himself. "I don't understand why I do this!"


	5. Chapter 5

On April Fools' Day Tadashi is once again in his original Swag Meister clothing. Hiro walks in to see Tadashi staring intently at him.

"I am so done with you Tadashi!" Tadashi turns around then moonwalks next to Hiro.

"Li'l bro," he says. "Embrace how awesomely swagtastic I am! Feel the power of the swag surge between us as I grasp your shoulders!" He clamps his hands on Hiro's shoulders. Hiro attempts to wiggle away from Tadashi's powerful grip. "Do you feel the swag?"

"No! Dammit Tadashi let go of me!" Hiro yells.

~

"Hiro!" Tadashi shouts. He swaggers over to him. "I have something so important to tell you!" He showers Hiro with glitter and colorful confetti.

"What the hell?" Hiro wonders. Tadashi keeps throwing confetti. "No seriously, what the actual fuck?"

"I'm a Swag Meister!" Tadashi leaves, still tossing confetti and glitter.

~

At the end of the day, after more Swag Meister randomness, Tadashi comes into the bedroom where Hiro is resting.

"No! Not again!" Hiro shouts. "I still have glitter everywhere!" Tadashi comes very close to him and whispers...

"April Fools'!!" Hiro starts hitting his older brother.

"Damn you big brother!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this one as an April Fools' joke on my English teacher

"I'm a Swag Meister," Tadashi tells both Hiro and Aunt Cass. "I will always be a Swag Meister."

"Shut up, Tadashi, you know nothing about being a Swag Meister," Cass responds. Hiro looks between his older brother and aunt, utterly confused.

"Not you too, Aunt Cass!" Hiro groans.

"I was the original Swag Meister. I have never shown my true nature until now. I understand Tadashi like no one else will." Aunt Cass takes Tadashi's hand in her's.

"I know," Tadashi replies, close to tears. Hiro is so dumbfounded, he doesn't know what to say or do.

"Let us be Swag Meisters together! Come, I will teach the Swag Ways of Old!" Cass exclaims, bursting into tears. Tadashi begins to bawl. He embraces Aunt Cass.


	7. Chapter 7

On July 4th Tadashi goes shopping with Aunt Cass early in the morning, before the café is open and before Hiro is awake. They go to a party store and buy out the whole stars and stripes area.

They go back home, Tadashi wearing a glittering dark blue leotard with flashing stars and red and white striped tights. Of course he has Swag Shades as well, red and white striped with American flags attached. Aunt Cass is wearing the Swag Shades as well. Tadashi also is wearing an Uncle Sam hat.

"Good morning, l'il bro!" Tadashi greets a half-asleep Hiro, throwing spangly confetti all over him.

"Wha' is all this?" Hiro mumbles, grabbing some confetti. Then bolts upright in bed. "DAMMIT TADASHI!"

"Tadashi the Swag Meister has come to make you paTRIOTIC!!!"

"GET OUT! I'M TELLING AUNT CASS!" Hiro shouts and runs out of the room.

"Too bad, l'il bro. She's already PATRIOTIC!!! YEAH!!!!"

~

The whole day, Hiro stays in his room, constantly yelling at Tadashi to shut up about patriotism.

When night falls, Tadashi drags him outside. There Aunt Cass is awaiting them, holding 10 sparklers with a box beside her. She throws half to Tadashi, who immediately lights them.

"YEAH AMERICA!!! YEAH PATRIOTISM!!" He shouts, running circles around Hiro.

"YOU GOTTA JOIN HIRO!! YOU HAVE TO!!" Cass yells over Tadashi and lights her sparklers. "YEAH!!!"

"SWAG!"

"NO! STOP!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR I'VE NEVER BEEN HIGH ON ANYTHING!!!   
> I'm rereading these as I post them AND WOW ARE THEY WEIRD.


	8. Chapter 8

Hiro wakes up and screams. Then he realizes that its just Tadashi standing over him with a clown mask. Oh right, its Halloween.

"Are you ready for a swag-tastic Halloween?" Tadashi asks, lifting up his mask. He has fangs. Why does he have fangs?

"Nope!" Hiro bolts out of bed.

"Aw! C'mon li'l bro!" Tadashi chases after him, downstairs, where there are way too many jack o' lanterns and orange and black streamers. "ITS TIME TO GET SPOOPY!!" He grabs Hiro and ties him to a chair.

"Tadashi what the hell?!" Tadashi quickly grabs a few things from their room. And the make-over begins.

Tadashi first applies orange eyeshadow and black eyeliner. Then he draws spiderwebs at the corners of Hiro's eyes.

"You are gonna look so spoopy!" Tadashi states, while drawing a few spiders dangling from the webs. "Gotta add some pumpkins!"

"Tadashi! No!!!"

A few hours later and Hiro's face is covered in spiders, skeletons, black cats, and pumpkins. With a lot of glitter. 

~

"I can't get this glitter off!" Hiro shouts the next day. Tadashi cringes.

"Sorry."


	9. Chapter 9

Hiro wakes up on Easter, though forgetting that it's Easter, and steps in a basket. With plastic eggs in it. Hiro ignores it and gets ready for the day, when Tadashi bounds into their bedroom wearing the most ridiculously pink bunny suit, egg shaped Swag Shades, and a large chain around his neck with a sparkling egg pendant, carrying baskets full of eggs.

"Oh geez, what's today?" Hiro groans, not really wanting to know.

"Why it's Easter li'l bro!" Tadashi responds, grinning. "I'll be back in an hour! Have some egg-cellent eggs!" Tadashi states, throwing five eggs at Hiro. Hiro catches them all and just watches as his older brother literally hops out of the room.

After that hour that Tadashi said he'd be gone, he returns, with a group of fluffy bunnies surrounding him.

"Where the hell did you get all of those bunnies?!?!" Hiro yells.

"I attract them Hiro, they come to me," Tadashi says, dead serious. "Swag Meister out!" Tadashi tosses a bunch of chocolate coins in the air, and leaves the room, fluffy bunnies in tow.

At some point during the day, Hiro doesn't know when, but Tadashi starts to throw hard-boiled, dyed eggs in his general direction.

"Tadashi stop it!" Hiro shouts, though Tadashi doesn't listen.

"Swag Meisters listen to no one, li'l bro!" Hiro stoops down and picks up an egg that fell at his feet.

"Wait, is this a golden egg?" Hiro wonders, holding up the only plastic egg.

"You win a prize Hiro!" Tadashi exclaims. Hiro cringes, not wanting to know what the prize is. "The eternal love from your older brother!" Hiro smiles, thinking that maybe, Tadashi being a Swag Meister isn't a completely bad thing after all.


End file.
